Translating poetry is super hard, since poetry is “being playful with language”. You almost have to be a bilingual poet to succeed. I’d think hard about just including the original. It reads very well. Sent from my iPhone > On Apr 28, 2024, at 5:21 PM, Jeff Zeitlin - editor at freelancetraveller.com <xxxxxx@simplelists.com> wrote: > > This issue of Freelance Traveller is going to have a translated article > from Vuelo Raso in it (and will be delayed until next weekend). Most of the > article is done, and I'm touching up some [contextual] mistranslations and > awkward wording, and managing the formatting, but the author included a > poem, and ... well, let's just say that I don't think any automatic > translation can do a credible job of translating poetry. > > I've provided both the original Spanish and Google's translation to > English. I'd appreciate it if someone who was competent in Spanish could > assist with "reworking" (probably more like "rewriting") the English to > both be poetic and carry the same sense. Poetic meter should also be a > target here, though not necessarily the same meter as in the Spanish. > > Spanish English Notes > > En la luna negra On the black moon > de los bandoleros, of the bandits, > cantan las espuelas. The spurs sing. > > Caballito negro, Black Caballito, *1 > ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto? Where do you wear your dead rider? > > ...Las duras espuelas ... the hard spurs > del bandido inmóvil of the motionless bandit > que perdió las riendas. who lost his reins. > > Caballito frío, Cold gentleman, *2 > ¡qué perfume de flor de cuchillo! What a knife flower perfume! > > En la luna negra On the black moon > sangraba el costado He was bleeding his side > de sierra morena. from Sierra Morena. *3 > > Caballito negro, Black Caballito, > ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto? Where do you wear your dead rider? > > La noche espolea The night spole *4 > sus negros ijares His blacks ijares *5 > clavándose estrellas. nailing stars. > > Caballito frío Cold horse *6 > ¡qué perfume de flor de cuchillo! What a knife flower perfume! > > En la luna negra, On the black moon, > ¡un grito! y el cuerno A shout! and the horn > largo de la hoguera. bonfire length. > > Caballito negro, Black Caballito, > ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto? Where do you wear your dead rider? > > > > While writing this message, I had a thought, and re-translated without > preserving the formatting - each stanza was pasted as a single "paragraph" > with no internal line breaks. Below is the result: > > > En la luna negra de los bandoleros, cantan las espuelas. > In the black moon of the bandits, the spurs sing. > > Caballito negro, ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto? > Little black horse, where are you taking your dead rider? > > ...Las duras espuelas del bandido inmóvil que perdió las riendas. > ...The hard spurs of the immobile bandit who lost his reins. > > Caballito frío, ¡qué perfume de flor de cuchillo! *A > Cold horse, what a knife flower perfume! > > En la luna negra sangraba el costado de sierra morena. *B > In the black moon the brown saw's side bled. > > Caballito negro, ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto? > Little black horse, where are you taking your dead rider? > > La noche espolea sus negros ijares clavándose estrellas. > The night spurs its black flanks, nailing stars. *C > > Caballito frío ¡qué perfume de flor de cuchillo! > Cold horse, what a knife flower perfume! > > En la luna negra, ¡un grito! y el cuerno largo de la hoguera. > In the black moon, a scream! and the long horn of the bonfire. > > Caballito negro, ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto? > Little black horse, where are you taking your dead rider? > > > > Notes to the translations: > *1 _Caballito_ was not translated; as a separate word, it translates as > "little horse" or "hobbyhorse" > *2 I have no idea how it gets "gentleman" from "Caballito" here. > *3 This is what I mean about mechanical translation of poetry - the Spanish > is probably both grammatical and sensical, but the English seems > neither. Also, 'sierra morena' should probably not have been interpreted > as a proper name. > *4 I can't find 'spole' as an English word. As a separate word (not as part > of the poem), 'espolea' comes up as 'spoil'. > *5 In the poem, 'ijares' didn't translate. As a separate word, 'flanks'. > *6 Huh? This stanza is identical (in Spanish) to the fourth. > > *A While the poem generally comes out "better" when not broken up for > "poetic" formatting, this stanza (and its twin below) still comes out > broken. > *B This doesn't quite seem right. I think here, 'sierra' should probably be > 'mountains' or 'mountain range', rather than 'saw'. > *C Google Translate offers as a less preferred alternative '...piercing the > stars' for '...nailing stars'. Also note 'spurs' for 'espolea' instead > of 'spole' or 'spoil'. > > > > ®Traveller is a registered trademark of > Far Future Enterprises, 1977-2024. Use of > the trademark in this notice and in the > referenced materials is not intended to > infringe or devalue the trademark. > > -- > Jeff Zeitlin, Editor > Freelance Traveller > The Electronic Fan-Supported Traveller® Resource > xxxxxx@freelancetraveller.com > http://www.freelancetraveller.com > > Freelance Traveller extends its thanks to the following > enterprises for hosting services: > > onCloud/CyberWeb Enterprises (http://www.oncloud.io) > The Traveller Downport (http://www.downport.com) > ----- > The Traveller Mailing List > Archives at http://archives.simplelists.com/tml > Report problems to xxxxxx@simplelists.com > To unsubscribe from this list please go to > https://www.simplelists.com/confirm/?u=g8EYmpjfNu22Uwq2slNgbtlSYHMIUXYZ
