Requesting "translation" help Jeff Zeitlin (28 Apr 2024 23:20 UTC)
|
Re: [TML] Requesting "translation" help
Charles McKnight
(29 Apr 2024 01:37 UTC)
|
Re: [TML] Requesting "translation" help
Timothy Collinson
(29 Apr 2024 02:12 UTC)
|
Re: [TML] Requesting "translation" help
G. M.
(29 Apr 2024 07:39 UTC)
|
Re: [TML] Requesting "translation" help
G. M.
(29 Apr 2024 07:45 UTC)
|
Re: [TML] Requesting "translation" help
Jeff Zeitlin
(07 May 2024 22:40 UTC)
|
This issue of Freelance Traveller is going to have a translated article from Vuelo Raso in it (and will be delayed until next weekend). Most of the article is done, and I'm touching up some [contextual] mistranslations and awkward wording, and managing the formatting, but the author included a poem, and ... well, let's just say that I don't think any automatic translation can do a credible job of translating poetry. I've provided both the original Spanish and Google's translation to English. I'd appreciate it if someone who was competent in Spanish could assist with "reworking" (probably more like "rewriting") the English to both be poetic and carry the same sense. Poetic meter should also be a target here, though not necessarily the same meter as in the Spanish. Spanish English Notes En la luna negra On the black moon de los bandoleros, of the bandits, cantan las espuelas. The spurs sing. Caballito negro, Black Caballito, *1 ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto? Where do you wear your dead rider? ...Las duras espuelas ... the hard spurs del bandido inmóvil of the motionless bandit que perdió las riendas. who lost his reins. Caballito frío, Cold gentleman, *2 ¡qué perfume de flor de cuchillo! What a knife flower perfume! En la luna negra On the black moon sangraba el costado He was bleeding his side de sierra morena. from Sierra Morena. *3 Caballito negro, Black Caballito, ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto? Where do you wear your dead rider? La noche espolea The night spole *4 sus negros ijares His blacks ijares *5 clavándose estrellas. nailing stars. Caballito frío Cold horse *6 ¡qué perfume de flor de cuchillo! What a knife flower perfume! En la luna negra, On the black moon, ¡un grito! y el cuerno A shout! and the horn largo de la hoguera. bonfire length. Caballito negro, Black Caballito, ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto? Where do you wear your dead rider? While writing this message, I had a thought, and re-translated without preserving the formatting - each stanza was pasted as a single "paragraph" with no internal line breaks. Below is the result: En la luna negra de los bandoleros, cantan las espuelas. In the black moon of the bandits, the spurs sing. Caballito negro, ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto? Little black horse, where are you taking your dead rider? ...Las duras espuelas del bandido inmóvil que perdió las riendas. ...The hard spurs of the immobile bandit who lost his reins. Caballito frío, ¡qué perfume de flor de cuchillo! *A Cold horse, what a knife flower perfume! En la luna negra sangraba el costado de sierra morena. *B In the black moon the brown saw's side bled. Caballito negro, ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto? Little black horse, where are you taking your dead rider? La noche espolea sus negros ijares clavándose estrellas. The night spurs its black flanks, nailing stars. *C Caballito frío ¡qué perfume de flor de cuchillo! Cold horse, what a knife flower perfume! En la luna negra, ¡un grito! y el cuerno largo de la hoguera. In the black moon, a scream! and the long horn of the bonfire. Caballito negro, ¿dónde llevas tu jinete muerto? Little black horse, where are you taking your dead rider? Notes to the translations: *1 _Caballito_ was not translated; as a separate word, it translates as "little horse" or "hobbyhorse" *2 I have no idea how it gets "gentleman" from "Caballito" here. *3 This is what I mean about mechanical translation of poetry - the Spanish is probably both grammatical and sensical, but the English seems neither. Also, 'sierra morena' should probably not have been interpreted as a proper name. *4 I can't find 'spole' as an English word. As a separate word (not as part of the poem), 'espolea' comes up as 'spoil'. *5 In the poem, 'ijares' didn't translate. As a separate word, 'flanks'. *6 Huh? This stanza is identical (in Spanish) to the fourth. *A While the poem generally comes out "better" when not broken up for "poetic" formatting, this stanza (and its twin below) still comes out broken. *B This doesn't quite seem right. I think here, 'sierra' should probably be 'mountains' or 'mountain range', rather than 'saw'. *C Google Translate offers as a less preferred alternative '...piercing the stars' for '...nailing stars'. Also note 'spurs' for 'espolea' instead of 'spole' or 'spoil'. ®Traveller is a registered trademark of Far Future Enterprises, 1977-2024. Use of the trademark in this notice and in the referenced materials is not intended to infringe or devalue the trademark. -- Jeff Zeitlin, Editor Freelance Traveller The Electronic Fan-Supported Traveller® Resource xxxxxx@freelancetraveller.com http://www.freelancetraveller.com Freelance Traveller extends its thanks to the following enterprises for hosting services: onCloud/CyberWeb Enterprises (http://www.oncloud.io) The Traveller Downport (http://www.downport.com)