Nice!  Got more than a few chuckles.  The medieval comparison bit is a
keeper.

On 3/24/2023 12:13 PM, Jeffrey Schwartz - schwartz.jeffrey at gmail.com
(via tml list) wrote:
> I've been getting a ton of Youtube and posts on other social media
> about that other game where there's a galaxy spanning empire. You know
> the one.
> Had this running through my head when I woke up this morning, typed it
> out to get it out of my system.
> Sharing for the laughs..
> ====================
>
> The INS Dreadnaught Cougar hung in space, Captain Sir Wilkes standing
> on the bridge looking at the large display, which was currently zoomed
> in on the Maverick, an Audacious class dreadnought in orbit around a
> small frontier world as the cutters went back and forth bringing up
> food and supplies. A few dozen Type-R merchants hung about to provide
> some logistic trail for the Maverick.
>
>
> The mission was a quiet one -  neither of the Dreadnaughts really got
> a chance to stretch their legs, doing only Jump-1 down the main toward
> their new duty station. Cougar had a small CSP of fighters out, it was
> the kind of smooth and relaxing boredom that most ship commanders
> enjoyed. All was right with the Imperium, and the ship was running
> smoothly.  They’d be pulling out in a few hours, and all the crew were
> back from a few days of shore leave that had pumped up the local
> economy. Captain The Honorable Stevenson aboard Maverick had shared
> that the last cutters would be aboard in the next 45 minutes….
>
>
> “Sir,” came a somewhat confused voice from Lt Juarez on sensors, “I’m
> getting… something weird. 135 mark 17, about 1250 kkm out - call it
> 103 diameters. It’s… weird.”
>
>
> Wilkes nodded to Juarez , and gestured to the ensign in charge of the
> main display to put it on the big screen
>
>
> Lt Juarez continued - “It’s like a Jump Flash, but it just keeps going
> on… “ The ship’s synthetic aperture telescope had focused in by this
> point, and a boiling circle was visible, that blue Chernekov radiation
> hue with flashes of other kinds of energy discharge and what looked
> (to the eye of once Astrogator Wilkes) like tendrils of Jumpspace
> breaking into  normal space.
>
>
> The field sat there for several moments. Wilkes wasn’t sure what it
> was, but was smart and cautious - “Sound ‘CME Storm stations’, warn
> the Maverick  and see if they can expedite their cutters.”
>
>
> Just then, the metal prow appeared in the maelstrom, something coming
> out of that chaotic hell hole - and the ship just kept coming out.
>
>
> When the first kilometer had intruded into normal space, and the
> weapon turrets became more visible, Wilkes said, “Upgrade that alert.
> Sound Battle Stations. Message to Maverick : ‘The Squadron Will
> Prepare for Battle’. Communications , hail with first contact
> protocols, hopefully we get lucky.”
>
>
> Several seconds went by….
>
>
> The thing coming from the hole in space was ten kilometers long. About
> a kilometer in diameter, with turrets and what looked like gothic
> churches attached to the hull, and a long flank of weapons bays. The
> nose looked to be solid armor, and there was no evidence of a spinal
> mount. It trudged out of Jumpspace and the rift behind it closed.
>
>
> Juarez cleared his throat and mumbled something. Wilkes looked at him,
> raising an eyebrow. “Sir, it just struck me - there was no jump
> bubble, and no jump grid. Whoever they are, they just let Jumpspace
> into the ship with them during their Jump, and it looks like the ship
> was designed that way. “ They both shuddered, wondering what kind of
> alien monstrosity would consider that a normal way to travel.
>
>
> Lt Kudirka from communications chimed in with, “Captain, I’m… well…
> captain, this is… This really does sound like some kind of Solomani
> religious broadcast or …. They keep talking about the Holy Emperor of
> Mankind and cleansing divine… Sir, they noticed our first contact
> transmission and are demanding our identification. I’ve given them our
> standard header, that we’re an Imperial ship. They’re upset we’re not
> a class in their registry and are wanting to know if we’re heretics
> and are demanding our surrender. “
>
>
> Wilkes raised both eyebrows. In the three years Kudirka had handled
> comms for him, he’d never seen her fumbling for words like this.
> Whoever was on that monster ship must really be odd.  “Lieutenant, do
> we have anyone with a historical background, and knowledge of Solomani
> myths? Maybe they can talk some sense to these people?” Kudirka
> nodded, “‘l’ll patch in Ensign Klap, Sir”, and punched keys on her
> console linking the young Bwap officer into the conversation.
>
>
> Seconds after she did though, communications with the intruder cut
> off.  Huge plasma engines at the back lit off, plumes of superheated
> hydrogen a kilometer long forming behind it as it turned and began to
> approach.
>
>
> Juarez stated, “Neutrino emissions spiking! EM emissions spiking!
> They’re coming to full power and looks like they’re  arming weapons.
> Subcraft launch! I’m showing twenty, two zero, launches. CIC
> classifies as battle riders, show at about fifteen hundred tons. “
>
>
> Wilkes turned the Fighter Wing station, “Launch our ready space
> superiority fighters. Prep second wave for anti-ship.”  Moments later,
> 75 fifty-ton fighters roared out of the launch tubes to join the 25
> already on station in CSP. When all of the Cougar’s fighters were
> launched, they’d match the weight in metal of the incoming… whatever
> they were. “
>
>
> Speaking of incoming though - “CIC, Captain - Verify that
> acceleration? Are they really that slow?”  At one G accel, they’d be
> almost 5000 seconds before they got here.  Battle riders that slow?
> But the monster intruder wasn’t doing any better. Wilkes looked over
> at Juarez as CIC came over the speaker confirming, and Juarez
> shrugged. “Gravitics are showing readings consistent with internal
> gravity, but I’m getting nothing that looks like an M-drive. Just
> those weird HEPLAR things.”
>
>
> Wilkes pondered his options - he could just back away at 1G, turn this
> into a missile duel… but that would mean leaving the planet full of
> civilians open to whoever these maniacs were. Maverick was starting to
> move now, coming up out of low orbit to join Cougar’s high guard
> position, their cutters moving to point defense positions around the
> big dreadnaught.
>
>
> Big. I always thought Dreadnaughts were big, but Mavrick’s only 350
> meters long  That beast is 30 times our size thought WIlkes with a
> snort of amusement. … a snort which died with Juarez’s shout of
> “Missile launch! Multiple missiles… “
>
>
> The tactical screen lit up with hundreds of missiles, all launched
> from the monster, none from the battle riders. And, like the riders,
> these missiles were slow. Less than 2G accel. It was like they wanted
> a low velocity on them. There were lots of them, sure, but plenty of
> time for point defense for the two Imperial ships to work them over.
> Enemy EW was pretty much non-existent. The sensor emissions on the
> missiles were really early radar - looked like TL9 or TL10 stuff.
>
>
> “Mister Yaskoydr, all weapons free. Engage at will, “ Wilkes said very formally.
>
> At the same moment, Maverick  locked 33 particle beam turrets and
> fifty 50-ton missile bays onto each of the incoming battle riders…
> which was apparently overkill. The enemy riders had no appreciable
> point defense, and the thousand nuclear missiles per rider detonating
> implied they had no nuclear dampers either.
>
>
> A moment later, both of the Imperial Dreadnaughts spinal mounts flared
> - and it became apparent the intruder’s tech base did not include
> meson screens. It shuddered as the equivalent of a couple low yield
> nukes went off inside the ship, but whatever it was was tough, armored
> and apparently internally compartmentalized enough to shrug off a lot
> of damage. It killed its acceleration toward them, then turned away -
> not accelerating, but…
>
>
>  From over on tactical came, “You’re fucking kidding me “ in a soft
> voice, and Wilkes responded with , “Something to share with us, Mister
> Yskoydr?” The Lieutenant-Commander blushed furiously, and in a more
> formal voice said, “Captain, I beg leave to report that the enemy is
> turning to present his broadside.”
>
>
> Wilkes looked at him for a long moment, then said, “You’re fucking kidding me.”
>
>
> Yskoyder tried very hard not to grin, something others on the bridge
> failed at. “Sir, my thought exactly, sir, “ came out with exaggerated
> formality, followed by “If they want to present me a target that
> large, I am glad to make use of it. Continue firing, Captain?”
>
>
> Wilkes nodded, and made an “off with you, go about it” motion with one hand.
>
>
> The range closed, and the number of missiles coming from the wallowing
> titan continued No energy fire, though. The Imperial ships closed in,
> keeping between the intruder and the planet, advancing slowly. The
> range continued to drop, and finally that huge broadside began to
> speak.
>
>
> Juarez, in a confused voice, half-shouted, “Tac, can you confirm? I’m seeing…”
>
>
> Yskoyder, equally confused, played with his console for a moment, then
> said, “Captain, we’re being fired upon. Enemy artillery has engaged
> us. Time to impact… 15 kiloseconds. “
>
>
> Wilkes looked at the two of them, then said,”Seriously? Artillery? “
>
>
> They both shrugged, and Juarez said, “Looks like …. Better part of a
> ton mass per shell, and I’m getting some neutrino emissions that imply
> fission warheads at the least. Looks like TL8 or 9 nuclear artillery.
> ‘
>
>
> Wilkes shook his head in disbelief, “Helm, bring us 90 port, and four
> Gs for 30 seconds, then back toward the enemy and 1G”
>
>
> A minute later, Juarez confirmed, “Artillery shells are still on the
> same vector. No homing ability. They’re expanding the pattern though,
> figure they are trying to cover the likely dodges. “
>
>
> “Helm evasion plan bravo. Put our repulsor bays into covering
> Maverick, her lasers and fusion guns aren’t going to do well against
> chunks that heavy and her accel is less than ours, she can’t dodge as
> well.”
>
>
> The enemy point defense was … not that effective. Apparently designed
> to work against equally snail-like missiles, the lasers and … were
> those autocannon? … didn’t track Imperial missiles coming in at six
> times the accel and due to flight time over 216 times faster. There
> was some kind of energy screen that Juarez couldn’t figure out - it
> looked like a mutated Jump field - that would spin up and then
> collapse under the Maverick’s and Cougar’s particle beam fire  The two
> dreadnaughts were pumping out the missiles from a combined 930 missile
> bays, over eighteen thousand missiles every kilosecond going down
> range, all armed with 1 megaton pinch-fusion warheads.  It was hard to
> get anything on the scope as waves of nuclear fire began to scour the
> hull, one wave starting at the bow and working back, the other at the
> stern and working forward.
>
>
> The intruder would roll ship periodically, bringing undamaged weapons
> to bear, but both Imperials stayed out of the effective range.  The
> few lasers coming back met clouds of defensive sand from the warship’s
> sandcaster turrets, and the sensor showed the energy levels on those
> lasers weren’t that much higher than what  the Imperial Army used to
> use on grav tanks before the advent of fusion cannon.
>
>
> By the time the monster was battered into a hulk, the two Imperials
> had taken minor damage - the helmsman on Maverick would be ribbed for
> years about the dent on the ship’s hull where an artillery shell had
> hit. The nuclear damper prevented the warhead from going off, but the
> KE was stiff enough to put a crater in the armor.
>
>
> Once it was unmoving and no longer firing, Maverick  came along side
> and sent her Marine compliment over to board and try to SAR the
> survivors… and that was when things got really weird
>
>
> Apparently, the intruder was really big on ship’s troops - and they
> were really big. Huge 9 foot tall humanoids in power armor with high
> caliber accelerator rifles seemed to make up much of the crew. Nor did
> the idea that they were stuck in a dying hulk of a ship seem to clue
> them in that surrendering and saving their lives might be wise at this
> point.
>
>
> Maverick  lost 30 marines before falling back and giving up. The
> accelerator rifle rounds were about 20mm and carried a HEAP warheard,
> letting them punch holes in the marine battle dress that wouldn’t seal
> before the air rushed out  On the ground, in atmo, things might have
> been more survivable, but this just wasn’t a winning hand.
>
>
> It wasn’t a winning hand for the enemy, either: the marine’s gauss
> carbines for shipboard work didn’t reliably penetrate the enemy Marine
> armor, but one Imperial in each fire team had a plasma rifle, and
> those worked just dandy, burning nice clean holes all the way through
> the … whoever they were.
>
>
>   There was debate about rearming with FGMPs and just going compartment
> by compartment, filling each one with nuclear fire before continuing,
> but in the end there didn’t seem much point.
>
>
> What footage they did have from the boarding party’s suit cams was …
> depressing. Huge industrial metal with gothic motif, poorly lit in the
> areas where lighting still worked and judging from the limited number
> of light fixtures poorly lit even when the ship was intact. Crude TL9
> fusion reactors. Crude gravitics. Huge installations to produce
> limited effect, and a mentality that seemed to be just fine with
> building it twenty times bigger rather than doing some research and
> making something smaller.
>
>
> One of the big gun mounts was mostly intact, its crew of roughly 40 on
> the deck around it. There were chains on the breech where they would
> manually pull the breechblock open, and it looked like a group of ten
> humans or so would shoulder a shell and lever it into the chamber.
> Like a giant TL5 cannon, with cranks for elevation and traverse, moved
> by teams of men grabbing the handles and cranking away.
>
>
> All in all, the thing was … medieval. Not in the “knight in shining
> armor” way of fairy tales and princesses, but medieval in the “crowded
> into a city where people shit in the street and we’re all going to die
> of dysentery.”
>
>
> After a week of investigating, they sent in another small SAR team,
> and they got shot at too.
>
> Another week went by, and a third team went in to look for survivors….
> And were fired upon.
>
>
> In the end, the Imperial dreadnaughts dropped interdiction beacons
> around it, arranged for some guard ships just in case the rift
> re-opened, and when the flotilla of heavy SDB’s arrived , the Cougar
> and Maverick went on about their business.
> -----
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